The desire for kink

I went to a book launch last week, that I will do a review on soon. It is a book called 'Kink' and it is an exploration of kinky sex that goes on around the Sydney area.

I'll talk more about this another time, but one thing the writer said intrigued me. She said BDSM ranges in severity. There are those who want to be treated as the object and to have seduction forced upon them, and then there are those who want to be nailed to a crucifix.

I thought this was a very interesting point, because what I find fascinating about writing erotic romance is the way it is revealing more and more about female sexuality. There are some modern day surprises - like the fondness for male on male erotica. I have to confess, I have always had a 'thing' for male on male porn, and it is a strong fantasy of mine, but to see that so many other women shared this fondness was liberating.

Another of the most popular styles of erotica is the BDSM fantasy. That women love BDSM has been a source of fascination for everyone, from the Marquis de Sade himself all the way through to Freud.

However, I suggest that it is not necessarily the masochistic or sadistic side of BDSM that women love. Rather its the role place and to be the object of obsession or intense focus. Women are very drawn to the idea of a man being so obsessed with them, he needs to tie them up and dominate them completely to his will. It is the idea of inspiring this response in a thinking, free male, that is so enticing to women.

For women, power is a difficult issue. We are not necessarily comfortable with exerting power over others. this is changing, however it is still very exciting to imagine that without trying you can render someone to the state of obsession, simply by existing.

When I used to engage in BDSM myself (more on this in later posts) I always found the role of the submissive to be an intensely powerful role. it is not as simple as having someone 'own' you. It is also about 'accidentally' owning them in a different way.