Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Blogging from A - Z Challenge: April 2 B

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B is for Bondage

I confess, I have shared in a small amount of Bondage play. It’s tricky to work it into a marriage, especially with kids; its takes a lot of setting up and the commitment level is high. To make it really work there is research into both roles required and a level of intellectual and emotional freedom that is difficult to replicate when you have kids you are accountable for. I’m not saying its impossible, just that its a lot more work and fairly low on the priority list. 

However, the small amount of play I did indulge in was thrilling. It is a very creative form of intimacy that has varied outcomes to determine success. 
What I mean by that is, orgasm is not always the primary goal of bondage, and therefore it can be very erotic, with little pressure to feel anything. Often the external constraints are symbols to assist with “letting go” on the inside, as if the subject has a chance to feel safe, and therefore doesn't need to carry any barriers within. This was my experience, and It ended up teaching me a great deal about myself. 

For one of my favorite experiences, sensory deprivation was included, so I was unable to move, see or hear anything, left in the dark alone with the most terrifying monster of all - me. Pushed to the very edges of distress, it was when I chose to let go of my discomforts and accept that my situation was out of my hands, that I experienced the strongest results. I experienced indescribable feelings of warmth, safety, security and visions of journey’s I took that are as vivid to me now as they were then. 

It was an experience that I recommend, although I was in the hands of a person who knew very well what they were doing. Perhaps if you and your partner are feeling like a new sort of sexual adventure this year, you can consider having a bondage expert tie you together. One can only guess at the astonishing experiences that might come out of that idea. 

George Bataille

B is for Bataille

I only intended to do one post per letter of the alphabet, but it’s difficult to go past ‘B’ without adding a Georges Bataille quote, one of the original men of intellectual eros. I love the two quotes below, one from the start of the chapter and the other from the end of the same chapter. I like the idea that eroticism is silence, and I like the idea that it is close to sanctity in terms of intensity. 

Some very nice food for thought here. 

Appropriately, these two quotes are from Eroticism, part two, Chapter six:

“Erotic experience will commit us to silence. 
This is not true of an experience possibly very close to it, the experience of sanctity. The emotions felt in that experience can be expressed in a speech or form the subject of a sermon. Yet erotic experience is possibly close to sanctity.
I do not mean that eroticism and sanctity are of the same nature, and anyway that subject falls outside my scope. All I mean is that both experiences have an extreme intensity. When I speak of sanctity I am referring to the life that the presence of a sacred reality within us informs, a reality that may completely overwhelm us. Just now I shall be content to look at the emotion of sanctity on the one hand and at the emotion of eroticism on the other, in so far as each has extreme intensity. My meaning is that with these two emotions, one brings us closer to other men and the other cuts us off from them and leaves us in solitude.”

“Eroticism is silence, I have said; it is solitude. But not for people whose very presence in the world is a pure denial of silence, a chattering, a neglect of potential solitude.”


  1. I heard that bondage first started in Italy where they would have swinging parties and such. Good post!

  2. really? That's interesting. Given how many surprising pleasures bondage has, I should take a look at its history.

    Krystol, You're such a good visitor, I'd like to share the love. Can you post a link to your blog or website in your next comment? I can only find your social media through your name, and I'd like readers here to be able to find out more about you and your books.

  3. Never tried real bondage myself, but would liked to test it sometime >:)

    Cold As Heaven

    1. I must say, it was a very interesting experience. Not at all what I expected, and strangely, something I would recommend.

  4. I'd so like to try it out one day but definitely waiting for the person I trust completely for that. Haven't found them yet but one day :)

    Happy A to Z-ing!
    My A to Z:Body Beauty.

    1. Yes - I think having the right person made a very big difference.
      I'll stop by and visit you Anna, thanks for popping in.

  5. Great post. I love discovering all these new blogs through the A-Z challenge and I love the concept of your blog. I look forward to reading more.

    1. Thanks Ila - I'ts turning out to be a good month isn't it?

  6. Thanks for sharing your personal bondage experience. Whenever I read an erotic romance with bondage I always say to myself, 'yeah right, try that with 3 kids." LOL Love how you touched on that.

    Cheers, Michelle

  7. It's my pleasure Michelle. I think it's really important to make a point of, because (in my experience) it took a lot of preparation, including a letter before about my expectations and after about my experience - and that alone (which greatly increased my sense of being safe) could never happen properly with the kids around. This all happened to me "pre" child. :)
    (Having said that, everyone's life is different and I knew bondage couples who had kids, so I didn't want to exclude that either. But I certainly could't fit it in my current lifestyle)