The sexual Pleasures of Monogamy

I have always said in our westernized cultures we are for the most part rather prudish about sex. We giggle like school boys at the most banal dirty jokes and we are still socked by swear words. For the most part, our pornography is repetitive and dull and fulfils only a teenage male’s sexual fantasy.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in our attitudes to monogamy.

Monogamy is seen to be this giant rusting chastity belt meaning your wife owns you and you will never have sex again as long as you live.

This theory forgets of course that men were the ones to come up with monogamy, and are still the ones who need it the most – that is in order to be sure of their offspring’s DNA. Which brings me to another aspect of this prudishness – the desire for sex to be only about procreation. 

This is an across the board prudishness; both the religious and the biological determinist / evolutionists (usually arch enemies) are contented bed fellows on this topic. (I make no apology for the pun) They roll around all over each other with such abandon that you can’t tell where one starts and the other finishes. Both stand somewhere on the time line with sex only ever for procreation on one end and sex is ok, as long as you use desire for procreation as the “excuse”. 

Another aspect of this belief shared by these two schools of thought is sex does not need intimacy and monogamy is some sort of punishment that will ensure you are never able to enjoy sex again.

All of this thankfully is complete nonsense. Couples have been enjoying their sex lives for many thousands of years. Despite our penchant for decrying monogamy, couples are still getting the best and most frequent sex, and relationships remain the desire for people the world over, no matter what they are saying in surveys or over copious amounts of alcohol.

There is always talk stating we need to be “aware” that most couples will have to deal with infidelity at some point, either together or alone, but this is based on statistics where people volunteer information about their sexual habits. Any psychiatrist will tell you people lie more about sex and money and it adds to the self esteem (lord knows why) of the individual if they can establish themselves as having cheated on their spouse at some point. 

I’m convinced people cheat out of boredom – not with the marriage, but with their day job, their life, and their age – that sort of thing. I think it has more to do with immaturity and a lack of emotional development than any kind of biological or “natural” need.

The reasons I think this, is because sex with someone who knows you really well is just so superior to sex with people who don’t know you. 

If you are addicted to porn, or need the school boy thrill of seeing your first pair of naked breasts then yes, you will need the stimulation of something new to distract you. 

But if you are at all familiar with the deep pleasures of your erogenous zones, you will understand what I mean when I say, your lovers tongue on your ear lobe, delicately pushing around inside your ear and then whispering what they wish they could do to you, will send you wilder than any across the room flirt with a woman you think is hot purely because you know nothing about how much she hates her mother or how old her children are.  Over time and experimentation and the changes in the body, your long time lover can provide you with pleasures no instant gratification type can offer.

So I say the sooner we get honest about monogamy the better. Basically there is a reason everyone in the world wants it so much.

Because it’s wonderful.