Blogging from A - Z Challenge April 17 O

O is for Orgasm.

Of course.

According to Foucault, it is not the restrictions we have placed on discussing sexuality that have caused problems in our sexual lives, but rather the way we approach the conversation. Sex is one of those things that is talked about almost constantly, and yet everyone has an experience of it being unexpressed. This is Foucault dilemma, citing problems such as labels as part of the misscommunication about sex, so that people need to "understand" what something like "homosexuality" is, rather than dealing with these connections in different ways.

No where is this more accurate than in the area of orgasms.

Even though orgasms have been studied and talked about in the most exhaustive fashion, they are still a giant mystery. I am old enough to have lived at a time when many women didn't have orgasms. I haven't done the research, but I would hope that even if a partner can't provide, that women are able to get an orgasm from their own bodies these days, and are far more willing to try than they were decades ago.

Female orgasms are still filled with a radical mystery, however, especially when we try to use pop-scientific explanations for their existence. Male orgasm is easy to explain, because it is accompanied by ejaculate, but why do women orgasm? I have been told it is because it opens up the womb to be more receptive to sperm etc, but what remains confounding is the niggling problem of the clitoral orgasm, that happens without penetration. Why is there a part of the body that provides the height of sexual pleasure that has absolutely nothing to do with getting pregnant?

It is for this reason, the clitoris remains such a problem, and why for years it was ignored, and even in some cultures removed. It is a subversive little organ whose existence stubbornly insists that we look at sexuality differently from our safe definitions around reproduction. No matter how you explain it away, it is still there, and it still defies rationality. Even Freud, one of the first to openly say women experience orgasms, considered the clitoral orgasm to be juvenile, and the height of sexually mature fulfillment for a woman was to experience orgasm with a penis inside her.

This seems like a joke now, and yet the female orgasm remains a problem because of its refusal to be easily categorized.

The desire for kink

I went to a book launch last week, that I will do a review on soon. It is a book called 'Kink' and it is an exploration of kinky sex that goes on around the Sydney area.

I'll talk more about this another time, but one thing the writer said intrigued me. She said BDSM ranges in severity. There are those who want to be treated as the object and to have seduction forced upon them, and then there are those who want to be nailed to a crucifix.

I thought this was a very interesting point, because what I find fascinating about writing erotic romance is the way it is revealing more and more about female sexuality. There are some modern day surprises - like the fondness for male on male erotica. I have to confess, I have always had a 'thing' for male on male porn, and it is a strong fantasy of mine, but to see that so many other women shared this fondness was liberating.

Another of the most popular styles of erotica is the BDSM fantasy. That women love BDSM has been a source of fascination for everyone, from the Marquis de Sade himself all the way through to Freud.

However, I suggest that it is not necessarily the masochistic or sadistic side of BDSM that women love. Rather its the role place and to be the object of obsession or intense focus. Women are very drawn to the idea of a man being so obsessed with them, he needs to tie them up and dominate them completely to his will. It is the idea of inspiring this response in a thinking, free male, that is so enticing to women.

For women, power is a difficult issue. We are not necessarily comfortable with exerting power over others. this is changing, however it is still very exciting to imagine that without trying you can render someone to the state of obsession, simply by existing.

When I used to engage in BDSM myself (more on this in later posts) I always found the role of the submissive to be an intensely powerful role. it is not as simple as having someone 'own' you. It is also about 'accidentally' owning them in a different way.