How to: Double Penetration

So you are thinking of giving the old double a go? Perhaps you and your partner want to include another man for a bit of fun. Or you want to use a vibe while he is in your ass? Maybe, you don’t have a real desire, you watched the porn and it all looked so hot.

My recommendation with the double is practise makes perfect. 

This is the sort of sexual experience that you don’t want to go wrong, otherwise you may be turned off for life, or worse, find it so uncomfortable you are turned off other kinds of experimenting.

Here are some suggestions I found worked well.

1. Practise. Start alone and with your vibes. Even when your partner isn’t around. Get two nice cock sized vibes and your favourite porn. Make sure you have lots of time. Stimulate your clit with the vibe and let yourself get very wet. Relax. Enjoy. Take the time to make yourself really worked up.

I like to ease the first one into my ass, and then get the second into my vag. I find the ass one a little harder to hold, so getting that into position first works for me. Sometimes, especially if you have already had the other cock in as well, it works to lean back and sit on the two and slide them in at the same time.

Again, enjoy this. Go as slow or as fast as you want.

2. Film yourself. Take a film on your computer of yourself doing this. Then watch the video. See if it turns you on. Think about what it must be like to see this.

3. Show the video to your mate. When you know the way you like it and you are familiar with it, show the video to your partner. This gives them a chance to have what you like really well explained and will no doubt result in them being turned on. Filming yourself is sexy. Gone are the days of film you hold as a possession. Videos can be erased easily now, so filming yourself carries none of the risk it used to.

4. The first time with your partner, use a lot of lube. Make sure there is no friction. Be clean if that is important to you. If you need have a drink or some other mind altering substance, but go easy. You don’t want to be too out of it. There are some logistics involved and all you need is to be able to relax and talk if it’s not working for you.

5. If it works for you, have some DP porn handy.

6. GO FOR IT.

Have a wonderful time.

Agalmatophilia

Many years ago – before happily in a monogamous relationship, I “enjoyed” or “played around” with various sexual life style choices.

One of the more interesting ventures was into the world of BDSM. I will talk more about this later in various ways, but I thought I would share a very interesting fetish I came across whilst in the scene.

It’s called Agalmatophilia – or love of mannequins.

This is where a person has a sexual attraction for mannequins.

I think this is one we can all sort of understand, even if it seems dull. We’ve seen of images of people with mannequins, and as we all know, if it is a fetish worth exploring, then a bad 80’s film was made about it.

However, I met two people with a mild variation on this theme.

One, a man, liked to dress women who posed as mannequins. 

This man had an enormous fetish clothing wardrobe (for women) and he would bring the wardrobe to parties and dress women up in the clothing he supplied. His sexual pleasure lay in dressing women who would pose for him as he did it. He didn’t touch them sexually, but they had to pose like mannequins.

The other person, who completes this odd story, is a woman whose fetish was to pose like a mannequin. 

She was often “placed” at the front door of our parties, dressed to the nines (often by the man with the equal and opposing fetish described above) in a pose and she didn’t move all night.

Perhaps the oddest part of this story, these two were not in a relationship.  He would often dress her, and she would pose at the door in the clothing he carried with him, but I guess at the end of the day, they simply didn’t have enough in common.

(Shrugs)

Sexy Enmore

I like where I live.

Not a lot of people can say that.

Of course, there are still places that I would like to live over and above the place that I live (New York, Paris for example) but seeing as I need to remain in Australia, I like the little part  of the world I live in very much.

In many large cities around the world, there are small areas that represent a free thinking, generally politically leftist perspective. In New York, this might be Greenwich Village. In London, it’s Hoxton or the East End. Belleville in Paris.

 I live in a section of Sydney that you might call Bohemian.

Newtown is the main suburb which is primarily a university burb. This keeps it youthful, fresh and interesting. The food is one of the most interesting things about Newtown. It’s usually excellent, cheap and plentiful. $7 lunchtime Thai specials are plentiful and you can always get a good filing meal with a drink for under $20 at night. There are many different cuisines and plenty of little novelty shops and good record stores. A small cinema and plenty of books stores and second hand stores finish off the look.

After Newtown, moving toward my suburb (Petersham) is a very cute little suburb called Enmore, and this is just about my all time favourite place in all of Sydney.

I like Enmore a little more than Newtown because it has less of the hustle and it is less conformist. Newtown could be accused of being a little overrun with the wealthy left, but Enmore can’t. Oh the rich houses may be there in the background, but in the main street the dingy op shop sits next door to the funny looking local organic produce market.

Enmore is the thinking person’s bohemia. 

Newtown is for the tourists and visiting Sydney-siders to the area, but Enmore is for the artists, the Goths, the music heads and the unemployable. It has latex stores and corsetry stores as well as the cat protection society.

Eating in Enmore is not quite the pleasure that Newtown is, but there are hidden treasures. A stunning little cafe, packed on weekends, sits gently in the middle of the main street, while if you want a little more bang for your buck the industrious lesbians of Scrambled will make you a less subtle breakfast with all the fat flavours of good old home cooking.

For a suburb three blocks long, it has 2 Mexican restaurants, 5 Thai restaurants, 2 tattoo and piercing parlours, 4 pubs, 2 wine bars, 10 cafes, 2 latex stores, 3 industrial goth / steampunk stores, and 1 enormous block long famous Australian music venue, the Enmore theatre, that hosts the likes of Nick Cave and PJ Harvey when they grace our shores. 

 This week, Alice Cooper is playing there.

All this in walking distance.

No wonder I love where I live. 

The top Ten most Interesting Female Sexual Fantasies

You’ve probably had all of them – then again maybe not.  Then again, maybe you have. Either way, your secret is safe with me.

When Nancy Friday blew the lid on female sex fantasies in 1976 the world was shocked. 

Even today, when I did some research for this post, I found immediately we were happy to have the chat about the standard accepted fantasies for women (rape fantasy, BDSM, and group) but what about the really nasty ones that nearly every woman experiences? These are still taboo – in some cases illegal.

Still, we are talking fantasy here. Not practise. We all know the rape fantasy is about being forced to be bad so you don’t have to feel guilt, not about being emotionally abused so that you suffer to the depths of your humanity for months. There is a very big difference between fantasy and reality.

I have compiled a list, called from over 25 lists that I have found on the net and in books that I (conveniently) own. This is the list of my top ten most interesting female sexual fantasies.

10. An audience

What is interesting about this fantasy is that it is not an orgy fantasy. This is a common one for women, where they audience do not participate. Sometimes they watch, sometimes they don’t. When the audience is going about their business, not noticing that Jennifer is fucking her husband on the table in the middle of the restaurant, this can be part of the thrill of being caught, or it can be the tacit approval of love making. Other times, women will get the audience to watch, and sometimes even clap their approval . Sometimes the audience will be stacked with people she knows, or famous figures from films or history. 

This is often about control. About being your own Fellini, and deciding what people can and can’t do during your orgasm.

9.Terror

This is not the same as rape. This is a sexual attraction – very real – for abject terror. When I was a teenage girl I had a reoccurring nightmare about being pursued in an abandoned amusement park. Eventually I was chased into a room where cats were being gutted alive into a large pit filled with writhing entrails. This is a dream that I had over and over that used to leave me waking feeling oddly sexual. It wasn’t till I heard about this, this I understood my adolescence was looking at something rather common. Why do some women get aroused by terror? It may have something to do with the bodies responses. Or it may be as simple as the fear of not having an orgasm.

8. Transformation

It will come as no surprise to any of us to discover that women crave beauty.

 It is the easiest access to power for a woman, and therefore something that almost all women will want at some point in their lives. However, there are women that crave this sexually. Their own transformation from ordinary looking woman to desirable woman. Fantasies involving “extreme make overs” , or being fashioned by a doctor looking for the perfect woman, are more common than we might think. It makes sense. If by making the mirrors more flattering in the ladies, factories can get better work from their female employees, then it should be no surprise to us that some women find the makeover a sexual experience. At least in fantasy.

7. The fertility Goddess.

This is one for the boys – yes women do fantasise and get off on feeling like they can make many babies, just like the men do. There is a kind of masturbatory fantasy for women that involves them being pregnant and making babies.

 But the fertility goddess goes beyond this. Some women fantasise about their vagina's actually being part of the earth. The most deeply fertile place. That when they are being fucked, he is really fucking the earth and they are a deep part of nature.

6. Incest.

Yup. Incest. Go to any of the most popular written porn sites and you will see incest is one of the most popular taboos to break through. This ranges from the sanitized version of “a father” and “a daughter” right through to imagining themselves with their own parents or siblings. Sometimes, incest fantasies for women will cross all sorts of boundaries and have them with both their parents – fantasies about their actual parents. Either way, this is a very strong taboo that many people in societies, male and female, like to fantasise about.

5. Multiracial

This is a very interesting fantasy. It has a lot to do with racism, and guilt over racism. For example some women will fantasise about the black man – but he has to rape her – alleviating her guilt at wanting to be with a man of colour. When women fantasise about black men, they usually have the stereotyped huge cock. Indulging in racism in this way, especially if one feels guilty about racist ancestors or abandoned upbringing, can be very arousing. Stereotypes live through Asian men as well, the physical attributes taking over any other sort of attraction. Interestingly, with Asian men, the fantasy is often a rape one also.
Having said that, I don't mean to imply all multiracial fantasy is steeped in racism. Just that it is generally and unresolved element of our collective psyche.

4. Fetishists

One of the big mistakes made in psychoanalysis is the idea that women do not experience fetishes. 

Women have very interesting, for the most part unexplored, fetishes. One I read about tonight was a deep sexual desire for spilling urine. Not the urine itself (that is surprisingly common and not a fetish) but the act of holding it back till you can’t any longer and splashing it about everywhere. I also knew of a woman who wanted to be dressed up and would pose like a mannequin at sex parties. No one was to touch her all night, she stayed perfectly still. This was her ultimate sexual fulfilment. Fetish alright.

3. Young boys

A big taboo, but one often played out in the teacher / librarian – student scenario. This is all about power. It is all about control. Just like it is for the male counterpart. But there is also something homoerotic in the attraction for the young boy. A kind of male-ising of the female. The young boy has all those connotations of early Greece and the Marquis de Sade. Men having sex with beautiful young boys was the ultimate refusal of women. Women fantasise for many reasons, and often want the privileges that males are gifted. This is a fantasy that allows them to get it, with all the guilt of the age of the boy to act as the perfect distraction.

2. Anonymity

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist here to see the desire in women to be anonymous or why that might be.
 In some fantasies she is madame X at the local brothel, and in others she is just more powerful and able to walk up and take what she wants. Anonymity always means the woman doesn’t have to explain herself. And considering women often feel as thought they have to explain themselves, this is a great relief.

1. The Zoo

Yes!  The big one. Lock up your pets, and keep away from the aquarium, this is actually one of the most common female fantasies. Its one of my personal favourites, and I know of many women who will enjoy many different kinds of animals in their masturbatory pleasures. A lot of this has to do with the size of that thing hanging down between their legs. Its difficult for women to ignore animal cocks that are obvious. There is also the no guilt factor – usually it all happens “accidently” with no planning, and then there is that primal animal base experience of just fucking because you can.

Well there you have it. 10 of the female fantasy's that Don't usually make it to any of the lists. 

The sexual Pleasures of Monogamy

I have always said in our westernized cultures we are for the most part rather prudish about sex. We giggle like school boys at the most banal dirty jokes and we are still socked by swear words. For the most part, our pornography is repetitive and dull and fulfils only a teenage male’s sexual fantasy.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in our attitudes to monogamy.

Monogamy is seen to be this giant rusting chastity belt meaning your wife owns you and you will never have sex again as long as you live.

This theory forgets of course that men were the ones to come up with monogamy, and are still the ones who need it the most – that is in order to be sure of their offspring’s DNA. Which brings me to another aspect of this prudishness – the desire for sex to be only about procreation. 

This is an across the board prudishness; both the religious and the biological determinist / evolutionists (usually arch enemies) are contented bed fellows on this topic. (I make no apology for the pun) They roll around all over each other with such abandon that you can’t tell where one starts and the other finishes. Both stand somewhere on the time line with sex only ever for procreation on one end and sex is ok, as long as you use desire for procreation as the “excuse”. 

Another aspect of this belief shared by these two schools of thought is sex does not need intimacy and monogamy is some sort of punishment that will ensure you are never able to enjoy sex again.

All of this thankfully is complete nonsense. Couples have been enjoying their sex lives for many thousands of years. Despite our penchant for decrying monogamy, couples are still getting the best and most frequent sex, and relationships remain the desire for people the world over, no matter what they are saying in surveys or over copious amounts of alcohol.

There is always talk stating we need to be “aware” that most couples will have to deal with infidelity at some point, either together or alone, but this is based on statistics where people volunteer information about their sexual habits. Any psychiatrist will tell you people lie more about sex and money and it adds to the self esteem (lord knows why) of the individual if they can establish themselves as having cheated on their spouse at some point. 

I’m convinced people cheat out of boredom – not with the marriage, but with their day job, their life, and their age – that sort of thing. I think it has more to do with immaturity and a lack of emotional development than any kind of biological or “natural” need.

The reasons I think this, is because sex with someone who knows you really well is just so superior to sex with people who don’t know you. 

If you are addicted to porn, or need the school boy thrill of seeing your first pair of naked breasts then yes, you will need the stimulation of something new to distract you. 

But if you are at all familiar with the deep pleasures of your erogenous zones, you will understand what I mean when I say, your lovers tongue on your ear lobe, delicately pushing around inside your ear and then whispering what they wish they could do to you, will send you wilder than any across the room flirt with a woman you think is hot purely because you know nothing about how much she hates her mother or how old her children are.  Over time and experimentation and the changes in the body, your long time lover can provide you with pleasures no instant gratification type can offer.

So I say the sooner we get honest about monogamy the better. Basically there is a reason everyone in the world wants it so much.

Because it’s wonderful.