Tantric Sex

Do you know much about tantric sex?

It is famous for it's jokes in our culture rather than for how much we know about it. At least I think that is the case, from what I could gather on the Internet.

However tantric sex is really about joining in a deeper way with your lover. It's about finding each other past the boundaries we have in place to keep us safe and comfortable. Tantric sex encourages the use of ritual and exercises to find ways to get closer to your partner and have sex be more of a spiritual experience.

One of the articles I read recently talks of a commitment ritual that consecrates your relationship. Here are the steps:

1. Start by affirming your decision to be together by choice.

2. Take turns to describe what you value about your partner, and tell your lover why you are committed to the relationship.

3. Talk about how the relationship has helped you blossom, and what you appreciate unexpected ways the relationship has unfolded.

4. Articulate the fundamental principles in your relationship, whether honesty, love, fidelity, or courage.

5. Share what you would like to improve.

6. Outline aspects of the relationship you will work on in order to improve it.

7. Listen to your partner express their feelings about the dynamics of the relationship.

8. Hear your partners intentions for the relationship.

9. Repeat what you both value about the relationship.

10. Express your mutual appreciation and respect for each other.

11. Celebrate your desire to give each other pleasure and to celebrate the bliss inside yourself.

12. Acknowledge the sacredness of sexuality and its power to transform your life.

Sounds like a lovely night in to me.

Enjoy

Barbra

Arranged Marraiges

I heard an interesting piece on the radio today about arranged marriage.

In the West we have always stood against arranged marriage. I have heard women like Indira Ghandi speak in favor of it, but on the whole, we've doggedly dug our heels in about wanting to make our own choice.

But arranged marriages were not always about putting you with someone your parents like. Sometimes it was an arrangement made with a local matchmaker (often a woman) who saw two people with common tastes and from common backgrounds, who recognized the sorts of compatibility that will make for an excellent lifelong connection.

We still turn our back on these kinds of ideas in the West - or do we?

More and more people are turning to on line dating sites to be "fixed up" with people they are compatible with. This has a great deal in common with arranged marriages. When they go into these sites, they hook up around likes and dislikes, political and religious beliefs and even physical preference. There are even websites totally devoted to just hooking beautiful people up with beautiful people.

So what is the difference between this, or looking for like minds on facebook etc and going to a traditional matchmaker?

Maybe the non westernized countries had something there?

Barbra

Sex Workers

I went to a wonderful workshop at a feminist conference today. It was led by sex workers, mostly women, a trans man and another man. There was about thirty of us in the small area divided off from another section. Many of the people in the audience were sex workers as well.

That sex workers were included in a feminist conference was a big deal. In the past feminists have been the arch enemy of sex workers. However, sex workers deal with a lot of unfair discrimination, not to mention unpleasantness from the general public (you and I) that is encouraged by inaccurate stereotypes, so it had always puzzled them that the feminists would see them as enemies.

Mind you, they can't really understand why women see them as the enemy at all. But that is because they have one enormous advantage over us women at home - knowledge.

So the first thing to talk about is why I went to this workshop when I had many to choose from.

It all started with an interesting article I read about younger women who are going to male prostitutes (buffed handsome, healthy ones) to lose their virginity. I was shocked and enthralled to learn about this. But after thinking about it for a little while, I thought – what a great idea! (I wish I'd thought of that years ago)

Imagine parents going to a sex worker, and having a conversation with hr about enrolling their son or daughter in safe / consensual / open minded sex? And then offering it to their son or daughter as a gift or opportunity?


Anyway, that article made me think. What if prostitution wasn’t in the hand of sleazy men? What if it belonged to women and healthy good men? What if you could go and “sweat out” those “girl attraction” issues you had with a professional instead of your best friend when you were drunk? What if men could be educated about safe sex and consensual sex from a professional instead of trying to work it out for themselves from a world filled with porn and mates and jealous girlfriends?

It’s a radical idea – I know. And its way out there. But still, it bares thinking about. I mean, unless you think sex and love are the same thing, there is no way something like this can interfere with your love life – I mean your real love life. So where is the threat?

Speaking with these women and men today helped me see that sex workers are NOT our enemy. We are simply told that. It is not a choice between “Madonna and whore” as we have been told either. There is more to the subject than that. These women are friends, students, mothers, transgendered people living difficult lives, gay men, gay women, your neighbor, your friend. They are older, younger, all body types and they are beautiful and ugly and sometimes both at different times.

They’re you and me.

I was very grateful they took the time to talk with me and I was very grateful to be a part of the conversation.

Please feel free to read more about sex workers rights at the Scarlet Alliance website.